Busy

I haven't posted in a while and don't have a lot of time right now either but thought I'd at least write something. I've had a busy but great week. Went to Las Vegas with my best friend and had an amazing time. Won lots of money, taught her how to play craps, took full advantage of her pychic slot playing skills, sang a lot, slept very little and, most importantly, made lots of great memories. I had a mellow but good Thanksgiving with Kate and my friend Jose. This is the first one in LA I spent without my brother but it was nice. We ate some good food and watched a great film. If you haven't seen it, rent What's Cooking? Definitely worth seeing. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I was in my oldest, dearest friend's wedding in Solvang, CA. I saw a lot of old friends and reconnected with her family who all live in the Bay Area, where we grew up. It was beautiful but a little sad. I realized it was the end of an era. She'll soon start having kids and end up like all my other friends with a family. I am very happy for her, she without a doubt deserves every last bit of happiness that comes her way but things will be changing for her now. That's all I've got for right now. Well that plus I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I hope it's a good week.

Big 'ol Druggie

I’m going to the VH1 Big in ’03 Award Show tonight. Looking forward to it but I know it won’t be able to hold a candle to the awesome VMAs back in August. Still, it’s great to have the opportunity to go to these. In general I find that I’m appreciating life a whole lot more these days. A big thanks goes out to drugs for that; prescription that is. Effexor to be exact. I now understand when people have told me in the past that they can’t accurately verbalize how great they feel on it. I do too. Can’t put it into words but it’s absolutely true. I never would have imagined that I would need to be on anti-depressants but looking back at my family history now, it shouldn’t have surprised me in the least. I guess I just thought I was different than the rest of my family but I now stand corrected. Oh well, not worried about it now – I’ve got my drugs. It’s funny to laugh about it but it’s damn true. My overall attitude has taken on a more “oh well, move on” stance. Very unfamiliar for me but very much welcomed. I’m no longer dwelling on things that once consumed my overworked brain. I’m beginning to be able to focus on issues at more of a distance which I find enables me to resolve them quicker and better. It’s great and I really can’t say enough about it. I wish I would have agreed to do this years ago. That’s all I got for now. I need to wrap up my work day and get on the road. I have a long night ahead of me and I’m glad I’m working from home tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have some interesting tidbits to spill onto the “page” after the show.

Brilliantly said

The MTA bus strike has finally ended. I was reading the details when I came to this statement by the Mechanics union President Neil Silver: "I'm sorry this strike happened but I don't apologize for it." Wow. Now that's something of which to be proud. Where do you go to submit dumbest quotes of the year for consideration? Anyone?

It's Cold

It’s cold. Dammit. I hate cold weather. I can’t really say that around too many of my friends since a lot of them migrated over here from the East Coast. But I’m a California girl dammit and as such I have the right to complain when the temperature dips below 65 during the day. I also grew up in the Bay Area, well somewhat east of there, closer to the San Juaquin Valley. If you’re old enough you’ll remember that’s where that show “The Big Valley” was supposed to take place. And no, I’m not that old either but I’ve seen the reruns. The only thing that stands out for me is that it had that big ‘ol lesbian Barbara Stanwick in the series with her gun-totin’ dyke self. Anyway, tangent. In my home town of Livermore, or as we who managed to escape that black hole affectionately call it Live-No-More or LiverBore or LiverSnore (you get the point), it got very cold in the winters. So cold that I had to scrape ice off of my windshield in the mornings. I owned an ice-scraper. Not something you would easily find at an automotive store in Southern California. My point is I have lived in my share of cold weather. Seldom below the 20’s but as cold as I believe I will live in. I don’t like to be cold. It hurts. This is not just me being a big baby. I have a history of Arthritis in my family and whenever I get really cold, my bones actually ache. How old does that make me sound now? I don’t care. It’s a fact I’ve been aware of since I was a young kid watching my grandmother go through it. No need to provoke it any earlier than need be, sonny! That’s all I have to say for today. I either hope it warms up or just rains for days on end. The rain I like. It usually is accompanied by warmer climates. So to summarize: warm weather good, rain good, cold just for the sake of being cold not good. Not good at all. Dammit.

Sunday Night

It’s Sunday night and I’m winding down from my weekend. Don’t really want to think about another week that has to begin tomorrow morning. It’s not that I don’t like my job. It’s more so that I’m just bored with working at all. Right now I feel like I’ve lost my career ambitions and that I somehow got myself back to the stage where I simply have a job. Earning a living, paying the bills, putting a little aside for what, I don’t know. Everywhere I turn the general mindset is that we should all consider ourselves fortunate to be working in the first place. Although there is some validity to that thought, unfortunately many companies are taking full advantage of this which in turn perpetuates the masses to continue down that way of living. This whole “economy in bad shape” mode we’re in is really hurting us all in more ways than I think we sometimes stop to consider. A few years ago I would have had no problem with doing something about my boredom at work. Right now though, I am also concerned about the possibility that there may not be anything better out there for me. I don’t want to get all political on a Sunday night so I’m going to change the subject now. This weekend was fun. I started seeing someone very recently who is new to California. Yesterday, I got the opportunity to take her to Disneyland for the very first time. First I should explain that I actually work for Disney and have a pass which allows me and three guests unlimited free entrance to the theme parks. Because of this, I now know the place like the back of my hand. It’s still fun to go but gets really old really fast. Yesterday was different though. It was nice to see it appreciated through the eyes of a new visitor. The park is now decorated for Christmas and is very festive. We went with two other friends of mine who actually grew up in Southern California and are familiar with the park. Kate was snapping photos and taking it all in. A couple of times I found I had to stop myself and remember that she had never been there before as I breezed through the different areas and took some of the views for granted. Kate’s a good photographer so between that and her virgin eyes at the park I’m looking forward to seeing the shots she got. I suppose I had better start wrapping this up and start thinking about calling it a weekend. The good news is I have next weekend to look forward to. I’m Vegas-bound baby! Can not wait! Sometimes I think I live for my Vegas jaunts. This is going to be a fun-ass trip. Okay so maybe this week won’t be so bad after all.

Doggies

My mind seems to keep going back to my two dogs today. I know every pet owner thinks the same way but I really do have the two coolest dogs I know. I’ll add a picture when I get a chance. Anyway, they’re mother and son, two years apart. Shiba Inus are known to have an average life span of 8 to 10 years. My female dog is now eight and definitely looking her age. She’s still as playful as my younger one but she gets tired more easily and her coat is turning completely white. I get sad sometimes when I look at her. I don’t think she has any idea that she’s hasn’t been a puppy for many moons. My male dog has never known a life without her and on the rare occasion they are separated goes absolutely crazy. I have no idea how I’m going to handle that once she’s gone. I have an arrangement with my ex where we have the dogs every other week. It works out perfectly. In fact, since we split it’s even easier for me to pick up and go away for a weekend than it was when we were together since twice a month I don’t have them. Who knew the benefits of this?! They’re away just long enough for me to miss them and they’re with me just the right amount of time before I need my space again. Some who hear about this think it’s strange. I live it and know that it’s probably the smartest thing she and I ever did together; well short of breaking up! My male dog just turned six a couple of weeks ago. That time flew. I watched him being born along with his brother and sister. A very cool experience and one I’ll never forget. That’s as close as I will and ever want to get to that type of experience. I held him in the palm of my hand all slimy and weightless. Now he is my shadow and never leaves my side no matter what room of the house I go into. Most mornings I walk out of the shower and he’s just there sitting at the bathroom door waiting. Yep, they’re on my mind today while I’m at work. They’ll be home tonight waiting for me when I get there. Never begging for money. Never mad that I left them alone for too long. Never bitching about me behind my back. Never planning to up and leave at some point. For now I’ve got a shot of them staring at me on my desk. I guess I should stop and get them a treat on the way home.

What about your Friends?

Part of the fun of joining this site was the thought of knowing my friends would be sharing in the experience. So far, my “community” is very limited. Is this the way everyone starts out? Am I expecting too much out of my friends by inviting them to share their thoughts as well? Why all of the sudden do I feel like Carrie Bradshaw as I type these questions? See, I knew there was something weird about typing my thoughts, dammit. I love learning about my friends. I take friendships very seriously. Sometimes too seriously. Nevertheless, that’s how I am and for the most part I like that about myself. It’s interesting sometimes when I meet someone who is just floored by how thoughtful I can be. It’s sad when I see how much other people are not like that. Unfortunately this seems to be the case more so here in Los Angeles. I look at it as friends, unlike family, are people we choose to have in our lives. We should keep that in mind and use that to our advantage. As my cousin nicely puts it, “cut the fat” when it’s necessary. There’s no reason to keep people in your life who are not worthy of having you in theirs. I’ve always lived by this and it’s made life much more gratifying, especially at times when you need to lean a little on those around you. Another reason I find that I don’t want lousy people around is, as another friend once wisely said, “your friends are your board of directors”. She went on to explain that whenever she meets someone she likes, she really pays close attention to that person’s friends. Friends are a reflection of you. If you have loser people around you, what does that say about you? Also, how well established are your friendships? Do you have people in your life who have been there for a number of years? Do you still have any friends you grew up with? And lastly, are some of your friends co-workers or neighbors? Are you the same person in your home and work life to the point that you can integrate your friends into both areas? These are all things that I try to adhere to when establishing and maintaining my friendships. In return, I try to make sure my friends know they are appreciated in any way I can. We all have enough stuff going on in our lives that keeps us busy and at times causes stress. To me, there should be no reason to add to that by having people around who don’t need to be. Just my thoughts for today. Ho hum, when are my friends going to join me on this site? I’ll just sit here patiently and swing my legs from my chair while I wait… Are you there yet?

My Working Mind

So it’s Monday and I’m reluctantly back at work. Notice that I am AT work. I find lately that I’m getting in later and later and once I’m here taking longer and longer to actually get started. Not good for clearing crap lingering on my desk but for some reason I haven’t been able to change that. I haven’t really been trying that hard either. A few years ago I upped and quite my job when my company offered a voluntary separation package. This was not something I ever thought I would do. Up until then I was always a hard-working dedicated employee. Always doing my best and climbing that ladder that was drummed into my head at an early age. I was going through a difficult time in my personal life and really felt more than anything that I wasn’t exactly the model employee. So I raised my hand and signed on the dotted line. Walked out with my big fat check and ran off to Mexico to soak in the sun and leave my worries behind. Little did I know then this was to be a huge turning point in my career life. Since then, my dedication to my employer has vanished and my work ethic is more of a “how much do I really have to do to get this task done” attitude. A close friend and former co-worker of mine managed to help me overcome my guilt about this by telling me that my definition of half-assed working is for most people, giving it their all. Ok, I bought it. The question I now have is will this ever change for me. I have no idea but for now it’s not hurting. I’ve got a job that allows me to stay in this mode. This assignment will last another six months and at that time I’ll have to see where I land. Most of the people in my life see me as an anal-retentive, stringent, uncompromising, structured person. Someone who excels in the workplace and has all my shit together. Interesting but far from the truth. I won’t deny that I project that image and in some respects I can be all of those things at times. But that’s also my exterior. Inside, different story. But that’s an entirely different journal entry. For now, it’s Monday and I really should start to look like I’m doing something on the company dime.

It's Write There in Black and White

I’ve always kept a journal. It’s always right next to my bed because more often than not I am awakened with this overwhelming urge to write something. Actually any type of writing has always come easy for me but only on paper. I love computers probably very much more than the average person but writing this way just doesn’t seem as genuine for me. I’ve always thought it was something to do with having the actual words flow from my body through the ink and onto the page. Electronically it doesn’t quite feel the same. Unfortunately though I don’t have the kind of time it would take to continue my journaling on paper and then transfer it online. I guess I’ll just have to get used to this method. After all, isn’t the world supposed to be “paperless” by now? Yeah, that always makes me laugh. Working in the IT world, I think I’ve been hearing that since before the cell phone. Mark my words; we will NEVER be a paperless society. And now it’s there in black and white. I’ve been around too many companies with different philosophies about security and records. I’ve known too many individuals who are hell bent on holding on to the past. We have the technology but will never have the backing of people to do this. I have spoken. Well, I guess I’ve written. Gotta go get ready now. I have a date with a little blondie. She’s cute, sweet and sexxxxay. And she doesn’t know I’ve got some special snacks for the movie tonight…

Sleepless in West Hollywood

I thought starting out I’d be writing mostly about who I am but today I don’t even really feel like writing. I’m forcing myself and hoping that this will be therapeutic. For the first time in my life, I’m suffering from insomnia. It sucks. It feels like I have a hangover and I didn’t even get to enjoy the high. My eyes burn, my body is weak and my brain feels like somebody wrung it out and placed it back in my head. I am tired. I can’t sleep without meds. I hate this. All my life I’ve never had problems with falling asleep nor with sleeping through the night. In fact, I even have embarrassing moments when I fell asleep at inappropriate times. Just so this isn’t a totally depressing entry, I’ll list the ones on the top of my very dry mind now in no apparent order. This should be kind of funny: 1. at a concert standing amidst a crowd. Lucky for me it was wall to wall people so I was supported. 2. once during sex. Sad, but it was with a man so… 3. on the phone while listening to a friend 4. in the middle of a face-to-face conversation with a friend 5. during a presentation that I was co-conducting (obviously while the other person was speaking but I was in the front of the room facing the attendees) 6. driving 7. at a movie 8. on a date at a concert (my date took me to see Yes. He was a huge fan and really wanted me to see how great they were. I wasn’t really into him or them but figured I was always up for a live show and they were good seats. Come to think of it, I don’t think he even realized that I was snoozin’ since he was so into the performance. whatever. bygones.) 9. at a club with the music blasting while everyone else I was with was off dancing (maybe I was the “purse watcher” or something. And no, I wasn’t the obligatory homely fat chick in case you’re wondering. I probably just wasn’t feelin’ that particular groove.) 10. in church (I think this one’s kind of a given unless I add the fact that I was the alter girl up there behind the priest!) Enough! Yeah, that kind of made me smile. Mem-Or-Eeez! Good times… Sleep is now a distant memory. Sniff, sniff. Please talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. Pube’s. What is with this landing strip fad anyway? When did this all start? I mean at what point did someone say, “You know, that outta control bush is just not doing it for me.” Don’t get me wrong. Anyone with me must be neat and trimmed. But this pencil thin little line thing is just not attractive to me. I don’t get the appeal. It looks weird. It’s so not natural looking. I want to see hair. I want to know that I’m with an adult too. None of this bald crap either. And in case you’re wondering, men are not exempt from this either. Tidy up your shit dammit! No one wants to bury their face in your damn ‘fro! Well, ok maybe some like that but they would be in the minority and probably people who themselves wouldn’t be too clean I would imagine. Bottom line? Keep your pubic region neat but make sure to keep it! God, I really need some sleep. I’m in rare form. Maybe I should work on my short story…

Moneyca

I once wrote an auto bio and when I read it back I got the feeling I was reading about the life of someone else. I know I'm an interesting person who has so far had an interesting life but most people will never get the chance to know anything below the surface. That's just the way it is. So I think before I really get into this here live journal thing I should explain my username. My name is Monica. Growing up one of my friends started spelling it Moneyca and it just stuck. Her reason was she thought I was obsessed with money. Okay, now let me explain this. I'm by no means a materialistic person. Don't get me wrong, I like my toys but mostly that consists of electronics. I could really care less about expensive clothes, jewelry and other crap of that nature. No, the money issue comes from just that – money. Dollar bills, I just love the smell of them. Call me weird but I just like it in my hand and I like the concept of money. When I was a kid I was the one who always had to be the bank when we played Monopoly or Life. I had a bedroom with a window that faced the front of our house so I would take out the screen and play bank teller with my brothers and friends in the neighborhood. In a strange twist while I was in college I actually was a bank teller for about a year and I hated it. Not because of the money, but because of the customer service aspect. Oh and also the financial side of it. Moneyca no like accounting! Yuck! I think I’m going to like this site and I know starting off I’m probably going to be writing lots. I’m sure it will taper off once I get settled in though. I’m hoping to get a few of my close friends who I know would write some really interesting things journaling on here. In return I promise to be very frank and forthcoming in my entries, although some of them may have to be private. We’ll just have to see how all of this unfolds.