Saturday, July 30, 2005

Freedom and Family

Four more weeks. If this was a typical 30 day escrow, this would be the first day. The countdown is on and I can now begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment, I’m so on the edge of screaming on a daily basis from lack of alone time. Every day, morning, noon and night, I am surrounded by people and although I am grateful to them for allowing me to crash their homes with my homeless ass, I am going insane by the minute. I have a feeling I’m going to piss a lot of people off when I finally move. I will not be going anywhere nor will I be having anyone over for any length of time. This will happen for as long as it needs to while I recharge…and recharge I will! Right now that is what I’m clinging to. Today I’m still up in Brentwood (that’s right outside of Antioch in NoCal) at my Mom’s house. My brother and I drive back to LA tomorrow bright and early. My Mom seems to be doing just about as she should for what she’s just endured. I took her to get a massage and facial this morning and treated myself as well. Very long overdue. The facial was great; the massage left much to be desired, unfortunately. My neck is still killing me. Last night I helped her find and book her travel to Mexico in November. She has a 10 week sabbatical from work and plans to spend a lot of the time visiting relatives in Aguascalientes, Guadalajara and Morella. Damn it was a bitch to get her there! She has to fly from Oakland to Houston to Mexico City to Aguacalientes and that’s just the way there! She appreciated my help booking this online. I’m glad I could get her mind on committing to something going on in the future. That on its own is invaluable to me. Well, I’d better get back to my visit. It’s really no wonder that I’m appreciating my family just a little more than usual at the moment.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Day One

Today was my Ito’s rosary. Lots and lots of relatives, we’re Mexican, and many, many unfamiliar faces too. I guess that can be attributed to the fact that he was 90 years old and lived in the same community for around 70 of them. My Mom and Uncle asked me to speak. At first I was a little hesitant, then I felt obligated being the oldest grandchild. After I started thinking about what I would want to say though, I found it to be rather cathartic. It ended up really helping me process some of this. I wrote it all out last night and read it a couple of times once I got into town. But then, I walked into the viewing room. I saw my Ito in the casket and everything changed. It became real, he was really gone. The very room where this took place is the same room where my three other grandparents were previously. It hit me like a brick; this was the last time I would be here mourning a grandparent. Suddenly my written words seemed really contrived. When it was time, I brought the paper up with me but found everything I wanted to say in my heart. Looking out at all the relatives sitting in the room and periodically turning to look at my immediate family sitting up front, it instantly turned my mood to very surprising calm. I can’t quite put my finger on why and maybe I don’t need to. I just know I’m ok for the moment. Tomorrow bright and early, we sit through a mass at my Ito’s church, the one he’s biked to for many decades now on a weekly basis. Then, it’s to the cemetery. I hope I can get a good night’s rest in this blazing hot Brentwood weather. I have a feeling tomorrow will be the true test of my emotions.

Monday, July 25, 2005

He's Gone

8:02 AM, Monday, July 25, 2005 I miss him already.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sunday, July 24th 2005

My grandfather is dying as I write this. He has been read his last rites and my Mom and two uncles are sitting by his bed for the night in intensive care. Ironically, he is leaving this world in the very hospital where I entered into his. This past November my Ito celebrated his 90th birthday. Family came from all over and there were even the obnoxious Mariachis present. The tequila was flowing and the party was on. It did occur to me at some point during the evening that everyone in the place was significantly younger than he. Most were relatives, either by blood or marriage. The oldest relative there was my great-aunt, my Grandmother’s sister. She’s got to be in her late 70’s. My Ita passed away a little over 10 years ago. My Ito remarried less than a year later and his second wife is now bed-ridden and living with her daughter who for the last two years has barely allowed my Ito to see her. I am the oldest Grandchild. In Spanish Grandparents are Abuelita and Abuelito. I couldn’t pronounce those words as a kid and Ita and Ito stuck. All the subsequent grandkids just followed suit and eventually they accepted these are their grandparent names. My Ita had severe arthritis that lasted over 20 years. By the time she passed, her limbs were so bent and twisted that she had no use of her hands or feet. I am the only grandchild who even remembers a time when she could walk. My Ito stayed by her side throughout all of this; into his retirement. By contrast, my Ito was the epitome of health. He has a hearing aid but doesn’t even wear glasses. He rides his bicycle to and from church and around the neighborhood. He had two heart attacks back in the 70’s and as a result has been taking blood thinning meds since then. Recently with the cruel treatment he’s been receiving by his wife’s daughter, he’s been extremely depressed and anxious. Not something anyone in the family is still used to seeing. As a result he was put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. The story is with all the stress and new meds, he forgot to take his blood thinners for a couple of days. His blood clotted which caused an aneurism and now he is lying in a bed with a morphine drip waiting to meet up with my Ita. I love living in LA so much so it is very rare when I ever wish I was living in Northern California. Right now, I’d give anything to be close enough to say goodbye. I just got off the phone with my step-father who said that even a plane ride would more than likely not be quick enough. Ito is my last living grandparent. You know when you share stories like this everyone has one of their own. I know I should feel fortunate that I got to enjoy him for as long as I did. After all, I am 38 years old and I suppose there aren’t a lot of people my age who still have their grandparents. I just can’t get over the fact that a man who has always been invincible to me is so suddenly going to die. I’ll process this, I know. For now though, I am awaiting that call from the hospital and I just don’t want to hear the phone ring.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Ah Friday!

Ah Friday, my long lost friend. You don’t come around often enough. Did I do something to upset you? If so, I’m very, very sorry! Please visit me more often! Today I caught up with an old friend from my long ago college days. I met him through one of my roommates but we didn’t actually go to the same school. I was at SDSU and he was going to UCSD. Really cool guy and I found out today that he owns a place in San Diego but works in LA during the week. He rents a room from his sister who lives just a few blocks away from my new place. He also told me that my old roommate just got engaged and he and his fiancé own a house not too far from us as well. The more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe this entire shift in my life is happening for a reason. I’ve lived in LA for over 10 years now. 8 of those were spent in West Hollywood and I did a short 2 year stint in Silverlake. So, in all this time I never really got to know the valley. Now all of the sudden I’ll be working and living in North Hollywood. I knew a lot of people from LA before I ever moved here. I used to spend vacations down here every year when I still lived in the Bay Area. But the friends I knew who lived in the valley, I’m a little ashamed to say, sort of faded into the shadows as I made my life over the hill. The worst part of this is that I worked in Burbank for 5 years and I still didn’t make the effort to see them. Maybe now my life is meant to be here and to get reacquainted with these friends of mine. It’ll be great to catch up on their lives and to share mine with them. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I’ve had my share of evidence of this. I drove by my place yesterday at lunch to see exactly how far it is from work. I’m determined to buy a bike and ride to and from work. After all, I never seem to have time to get to the gym anymore so I figure a half hour each way should at least give me some exercise. Five more weeks! I get antsier as it gets closer. I’m rocking in my chair right now as I write about it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Gotta Have 'Dem Gadgets

Today is Wednesday and halfway through my second week of my new job. It’s getting challenging and I’ve been enjoying every minute of it. Everyone I work with is great. Most are new to Disney. For the first time in years, my direct report is male. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that he’s gay, which is interesting. I’ve never worked for anyone gay before; not that it should matter, but let’s be honest – it somehow does. There are many gay men in this group, which also surprised me since they all have come from different companies, most from out of state, within the telecommunications area. So far, haven’t met any lesbians. Five and half weeks left of escrow. Why is it that it seemed to take no time at all for me to wrap up my job and start this one but it’s taking an eternity for escrow to close? It was hotter than hell in Vegas last weekend. I heard 117 degrees. So hot in fact that the air conditioning in my car refused to work. Kari and I didn’t have a lot of luck gambling this time but that’s OK. We discovered a new Fry’s and had some fun there. It’s a Vegas themed Fry’s, of course. We both inevitably bought some geek electronics for our computers. She spent time looking at PCs and I at the TVs. I’m set on the Plasma once I settle in to my new place. Gotta have the big screen in the living room for PlayStation3! Can’t wait to get my Tivo and DirecTV back too. God, I miss our quarterly jaunts to the PC fair! All right well I have to get ready for my next meeting. Let’s see, the next discussion is on basic mobile phone service account information to be followed by service order information. Ugh, my poor brain…

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Another Day, Another Tax Paying Dollar

My final day of sitting through all day meetings in Anaheim. I’ve taken in so much information in the past two days that my brain is swollen. I’m not complaining, really; I’ve been starving for this type of challenge for years now. What I’m not happy about is the thought of tackling the traffic tonight back up to Simi. Ugh. What’s up with this shit about protesting the police for shooting that baby? God, I’m so sick of people pointing the finger at anyone but themselves. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t believe the cops can be corrupt or that they have crossed the line many times when it comes to catching their man. That being said, come on! Here is a perfect example of someone who takes absolutely no responsibility for her actions and the choices she’s made in her life. Usually I would say there are two sides to every story. This time, no. This situation is so damn obvious. The step-daughter called 911 and is now in protective custody because the family is angry that she did. Okay, what the hell was she supposed to do?!?! The man threatened to kill her, the baby, the wife and himself and was waving a gun! The wife herself had called the police earlier in the day and actually said that Jose Pena had threatened to kill her. Let’s take a step back here and focus on the wife for a moment. Lorena Pena, a wise woman. She marries Jose Raul Pena. This man is an alleged child molester. He was served a restraining order for this the day before he got himself killed. There are even reports that they were separated. Hmm, sounds like a happy, loving marriage to me. And such a wonderful environment for little Susie Pena. So now cut to the day of the shootings. Jose comes out and starts shooting at the SWAT team. When they shoot back, he retreats into his shop and returns with the baby in front of him. Now he has the gun and the kid, who by the way he’s threatening to kill, and is firing at the cops again. This little song and dance goes on for almost three hours while the police try everything to get this guy to surrender. Don’t forget, he is firing out into the street so it’s not only cops that are at risk of being shot. Unfortunately, the baby is shot along with the Dad of the Year and both die. Who’s at fault for this terrible event? The police? The step-daughter for calling 911? No, it’s none other than Jose Raul Pena himself. And now the wife, who let’s not forget was separated from Jose, is making comments like “he was a loving man, a caring man” and “he would never do anything to hurts his daughter”. What planet does this woman live on? It’s understandable that she’s upset about the death of her daughter. Now, however, she has an attorney and is going after the LAPD. Hey, Lorena how about blaming yourself for marrying and having a child with such a volatile man? She’s at least partially to blame for her actions in this too. Someone just doesn’t explode in the manner that he did without some indication in his life that he could be capable of violence. Why didn’t she deal with that before? It makes me so fucking mad to think that she probably will end up getting some sort of settlement from the county. Someone should follow her life now and see what kind of choices she makes going forward. My bet? She’ll end up with another loser guy and have yet a third kid with him. And in the meantime, we all get to foot the bill for her stupid actions. Time for me to get ready to earn Lorena’s money today… Sorry about your baby, but it's time to grow up Bitch!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Mouse House

Today was our official kick off of Disney Mobile down in Anaheim. Our little group of 45 people are about to make a new page in the Disney history book. This is kind of cool. It’s also pretty cool to actually be excited about work for a change. Here I am on another project. Big, big differences this time though. First, this team is small enough so that we’ll actually get a chance to know everyone by name. Second, we’re all employees rather than consultants. This is huge because it means we’re all invested in the venture. Next, I have a permanent job this time around with a whole lot of potential to grow with this division. If this all goes as planned, I’ll have a team under me within the next couple of years. And last, there’s definitely something nice about having something tangible as the product. Up until now, all project rollouts I’ve done have been software installations. I guess that could be considered tangible depending upon how you look at it, but cell phones are a hell of a lot more fun to launch than programs on a computer. I’m meeting a lot of great people and I just get this sense of being appreciated here. That is so foreign to me after being stuck at Corporate for so long where you’re supposed to feel honored to have a job. Fuck that. There are very few people I’ve met at this company who skate by. Almost all work their asses off for this place. During the last project I actually watched marriages end, people have heart attacks and even one death. When I say people gave their blood, sweat and tears for this company I am not exaggerating. I could go into the damage my body incurred but I won’t. Some of my friends wonder why I continue to work for the mouse. The truth is, this company is so big that working for different businesses within it are like working for totally different companies. The Disney Internet Group is making a lot of money for Disney. Translation, they get a lot more freedom to run the show how they see fit. Right now all their employees benefit from it. It looks like I’ll be going to NYC at the end of the month to meet with a group of ESPN folks. I can’t wait to go back. I fell in love with that city last time I was there. I seriously believe I could live there for a while; maybe one or two years. I have to get to bed and be ready for another round of meetings tomorrow. At least I’m in town now. This morning I had to leave Simi Valley at 6:30 and barely made it here by 9:00. Brutal. Sleep has been trying to take me since I got here this morning. Okay… Boring entry but had to get this out of my head.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Monday, Monday

Starting the new gig today. A little nervous. Already being sent on a business trip tomorrow and I don't even get a chance to settle in. How am I going to get the dogs back to my ex before I leave? Never got time over the weekend so been doing laundry, work and complicating life since 2:30 this morning. Good thing I was "too busy" to turn in my laptop to Corporate on Friday or I'd have no outlet for my brain. My PC is packed up just like 95% of the rest of my life. Now I just have to find out how to get this machine back to Burbank. Seven more weeks of escrow. Do I have enough to be concerned with this morning? I'll report back more tonight if I don't collapse first. Got to get in the shower and head to NoHo.

Happy 40th Birthday Slurpee!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Mi Hermano

Tonight I’m staying at my brother’s place. It’s getting fun to spend time with him again. My cousin has moved into his own place, a rented studio in Burbank, after sleeping on Ruben’s couch for three months. Jim has been house-sitting for a friend for the past three weeks. I haven’t seen Todd, his actual roommate for a long time now that he’s in a new relationship. Basically my brother has his entire apartment to himself. Why is it that no matter how much time passes or what’s going on in our day-to-day lives he and I can just relax and be “kids” around each other? I guess no matter how close you become to your friends, the family members whom you are closest with are always going to make you feel your safest. There’s really something to be said about that. I remember the day I moved out of the apartment he and I rented in the Bay Area together. We were in our twenties, I was driving down to LA with my fiancé. This was supposed to be one of the most exciting things I had done with my life at that time, yet I think I cried for the first 30 minutes of the drive thinking about not having my brother around. Seven months later when he came to visit me for my birthday I was so happy to see him. He left the day of the Superbowl. I was supposed to drop him off at the airport then head over to a friend’s house to watch the game. After saying goodbye, I really had to force myself to not just go straight home and be sad by myself. Five months later he moved down and rented a place less than five miles away. That was nine years ago. I really don’t think I’d be as settled in LA for this long if he wasn’t here with me. I have a very full life here on my own as does he, but it just wouldn’t mean as much without him to share it with here. I’m sitting in his living room writing this as he is playing this gory scary PlayStation2 game. Maybe my next self-therapy should be to ponder why I’m writing this about him while he sits eight feet away from me rather than telling him. How strange that he’ll more than likely never know this entry exists.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Happy 4th! Yeah, Whatever.

This three day weekend I mixed a lot of hard work and play time. I'm exhausted and the fireworks haven't even started yet. Hell, at this point, I don't even know if I'll still be awake by the time they go off. I’ve also been painfully reminded of how out of shape and older I am getting. My back is sore and my muscles are aching. Laura's renters decided to move out of her townhouse rather abruptly. So this weekend I helped her get the place ready to lease again. It's ready enough to show now but there's still work to be done. Painting, yard work, scrubbing kitchen appliances, that is what my 4th of July holiday weekend consisted of for the most part. I also went to two pool party/barbeques; one in LaVerne and the other in Sherman Oaks. Both were fun for different reasons but they were a little strange too. A really good friend of mine recently went through a breakup. One party was hosted by the ex and the other was attended by my friend. It was a little awkward to talk about plans over the weekend to both of them but everything ended up fine in the end. The food, weather and company were great at both parties. Overall, I guess I should look at this as a well-balanced weekend. Tomorrow I begin my last week at my job. I have feelings all over the board on this. I’ll have to see how my emotions unfold over the next few days. It’ll be great to start a new page in my career; way too overdue. Last, the lingering escrow. Eight more weeks. Eight more long weeks of living out of a suitcase. I am so tired of driving around with all my shit in my car and lugging it in and out of different friend’s places. I will never appreciate sleeping alone in my very own bed more than I will once I am settled in my new home. I can’t help but picture isolating myself for about the first month once I’m in but I know I’ll want my friends and family to see it. I guess that’s about it for now. I’m going to relax and pick up where I left off with the second season of The Sheild that I borrowed from Kari. Amazing, amazing show. After that, it’s beddie-bye time for Monica. My head is going to hit that pillow hard tonight.

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com