Can We Turn the Calendar Page Already?!?

So another Christmas is behind us. This year it really seemed to come and go faster than usual. This was the first Christmas that my whole family has been together in a long time. I have missed my annual picture with my brothers and I’m happy we were all together again. My little niece Megan is walking and talking; she’s a year and a half. I’ve never been a kid person but there really is something to be said about it being your own family. Still wouldn’t have wanted my own but my focus for the day was that cute little tiny girl. I never thought I’d see the day that one of my brothers was a father. David is great with her and she sure loves her Daddy. Wendy now stays at home with her so they are very close as well. I’m glad they decided to do that. It’ll pay off big later on. Overall it was a good Christmas but I’m really looking forward to starting a new year. This one is one that I’d rather put behind me and I don’t think it’ll be one that I’ll be referencing too much in the future. So, here is my list of Goods and Bads for the year 2005. Pros - After years and years of saving, hoping and waiting I finally purchased my first home. - I started a new job and finally got the hell out of Corporate Disney. - By coincidence I work 10 minutes away from home. That’s a first! - I’m living by myself for the first time. - My relationship was put to the ultimate test. - I logged more diving. (Wish it was more.) - I had no major ailments this year. - My family is healthy and seemingly happy. - I got to see my niece twice this year. - My dogs are still with me and healthy. - The dogs saw snow for the first time. - My Dad came to LA for a visit. - I finally paid off my stupid IRS audit from the year 2000. (Well, at least at the Federal level…) - Pokey got through his surgery and is doing well in his old age. - I made some new friends. Cons - I lost my Grandfather, my last grandparent. - I lost my uncle, my Dad’s brother. - I moved out of West Hollywood. (I miss it terribly.) - I was homeless for six long months. - My relationship was put to the ultimate test. - I didn’t get to spend as much time with my brother as I’m used to spending. - I’m poor! (One of the thrills of being a homeowner.) - For the first time in years I have a running balance on my credit cards. (I need to fix that fast!) - Halen had surgery for the first time. (He’s ok though.) - I still haven’t met Lisa’s daughter. - I still can’t seem to get back to the gym. - My brother lost his hamsters. - The five month escrow from hell. - The strain from the four-plex fallout. - Dan moved away. - Sundays at the Spoon came to an end. - Bush is still the acting President. I reserve the right to add to this. In the end, 2005 is coming to a close rapidly and in an upward swing. I really do look forward to what 2006 has in store and that in itself is good. There were years when I couldn’t care less. I think I’m in a good place in my life and my one big hope is that during this final year in my thirties life starts to finally settle in and make some sort of sense again. In other words I hope that I at least can get a glimpse of what I might have in my life that I can count on for the long haul. If that were to happen, I wouldn’t have much left to battle in my head. Maybe then I could also start thinking about getting off meds. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the ride as much as I can.

Forget About It!

One of my favorite people to follow is Arianna Huffington. This woman is so interesting to me and there is rarely anything she says that I disagree with. What I love most about her is her delivery. Even if you really aren't that interested in politics (and how can't you be today?) she puts everything into words that anyone can not only understand but can also find entertaining. She calls it as she sees it, no holds barred. I once sat directly in front of her and her daughter at a VH1 show taping. I was surrounded by celebrities like Shania Twain and Ashton Kutcher but all I cared about was saying something to Arianna. All I ended up mustering was "Hi". Oh well. Anyway, she has had a website for quite some time now called The Huffington Post. The best part about it to me is her blog. Over the past two days she has written a list of what she would love to forget about the year 2005 in order to start fresh for the New Year. I thought I would share. A little lengthy but so worth the read. Enjoy: 12.21.05 The older I get, the more I’m convinced that the key to happiness is starting every day, if you can, with a clean slate. But it should certainly be done before the start of every new year. This task is particularly easy for me this year since forgetfulness seems to come along with the Bora Bora breeze here. So here is my list of things from 2005 that I’d love to forget -- that, indeed, we’d all be better off never having cross our minds again: Bill Frist, video diagnostician. Bill Frist, stock market genius. Bill Frist. That drivers will soon have to take out a second mortgage before filling up at the gas pump. Bill O’Reilly’s enemies list. That HuffPo wasn’t on it (we’ll try harder next year). That the president thought Harriet Miers was the most qualified candidate for the Supreme Court That Harriet Miers thought George Bush was the most brilliant man she ever met. The passage of the morally bankrupt bankruptcy bill. That the New York Times held off running the NSA spying story for over a year. Being Bobby Brown: “Hell to the no!” The note President Bush passed Condoleezza Rice asking if it was okay to take a bathroom break during a UN Security Council meeting. The missing $9 billion the U.S.-led occupation government in Iraq can’t account for. Jeff Gannon, White House correspondent -- aka Jeff Guckert, hotmilitarystud.com. That there is a debate about whether waterboarding is actually torture. Judy Miller, Bob Woodward, Viveca Novak: The Three Media Stooges of Plamegate The Fred Durst sex tape. That 493 U.S. soldiers have died since Dick Cheney declared the insurgency was in its “last throes”. That Dick “5 deferments” Cheney was willing to go toe-to-toe with John “5 years as a POW” McCain over the issue of torture. Jean Schmidt taking to the House floor and implying that Jack Murtha was a “coward.” That voters could have gone to the polls in 2004 knowing that Bush was spying on Americans, that a key White House aide was charged with felonies, and that the initial reasons for invading Iraq were bogus -- but didn’t, thanks to the timidity of the mainstream media. Tom Cruise vs. Brooke Shields Tom Cruise vs. Matt Lauer Tom Cruise vs. Oprah’s couch That, in a 60s flashback, the Pentagon is once again spying on the activities of anti-war activists. Hillary Clinton’s shameless attempts to rebrand herself as a red state friendly Democrat -- including her decision to sign on as a co-sponsor of an anti-flag burning bill. Hillary’s visit to Iraq where when she opined that suicide bombers are "an indication" of the "failure" of the insurgency, and that much of Iraq was "functioning quite well" Hillary taking on “Grand Theft Auto.” Intelligent Design vs. Evolution. That Phil Cooney, an oil-industry-lobbyist-turned-White House official, did extensive rewrites on government reports to make is sound as if global warming weren’t really that big a problem. Duke Cunningham’s two defense contractor-provided 19th century French commodes. That Paul Wolfowitz, one of the key architects of the war, has been successfully repackaged as the warm and fuzzy poverty-fighting president of the World Bank. That thanks to Bush budget cuts, one in five military families need food stamps, or Women, Infants and Children program aid to get by. That China has become the second largest holder of U.S. debt. That Democrats chose the insipid “Together, America Can Do Better” as their new slogan. And that they actually paid a messaging team to come up with it. Drilling for oil in ANWR (I’ve been desperately trying to forget this one since 2001, but the White House just won’t let me). Bush strumming his guitar, Condi taking in Spamalot, and Cheney shopping for luxury digs -- all while New Orleans flooded. That Bush waited five days before visiting the Gulf following Katrina. And that once he got there, he joked about his hard-partying days, congratulated Mike Brown on doing a "heck of a job," and promised to rebuild Trent Lott’s house. Brownie’s resume -- especially his stint as commissioner of the International Arabian Horse Association. That About 40 percent of Mississippi's National Guard and 35 percent of Louisiana's -- a combined total of roughly 6,000 troops -- were unable to help out after the storm because they were in Iraq. That the first round of Katrina cleanup and reconstruction contracts went to that old gang from Baghdad: Halliburton, Bechtel, Fluor, and the Shaw Group. The Post-Katrina Quote Hall of Shame: “I don’t think anyone anticipated the breach of levees” -- G. W. Bush "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" -- Tom DeLay to young evacuees in the Astrodome “This is working very well for them.” -- Former First Lady Barbara Bush on Katrina evacuees “If you’ll look at my lovely FEMA attire you’ll really vomit. I am a fashion god.” -- Mike Brown in an email sent in the immediate aftermath of Katrina 12.22.05 Yesterday, I offered a list of all the things I wanted to forget from 2005. Unfortunately, it turns out there was just too much gunk clogging up my internal hard drive to get rid of with a single cleansing. So here is another attempt to delete all of last year's political and cultural spam. I'd be a happy woman if I could forever put out of my mind: Scooter Libby, novelist. Scooter Libby, letter writer. Scooter Libby, tree expert. "Out West, where you vacation, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them." Judy Miller's non-entangled "entanglement" with Scooter Libby. That the New York Times wrote 15 editorials depicting Judy Miller as Judy of Arc, compared her to Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and claimed "If Judy Miller loses this fight, we all lose." "Valerie Flame." Arthur Sulzberger, charter member of the Lucky Sperm Club. The wall-to-wall, over-the-top, and utterly uncritical TV coverage of the interminable internment of Pope John Paul II. That President Bush interrupted his vacation to fly back to Washington to sign the Schiavo bill in the middle of the night. That not a single Democratic Senator formally objected to the pro forma voice vote that sent the Schiavo bill to the House. How the Schiavo spectacle allowed the reptilian Randall Terry to be born again as a media figure. Bob Woodward's self-inflicted demotion from Watergate hero to Plamegate goat. That just weeks after Time's Viveca Novak provided Karl Rove with a possible get-out-of-jail-free card, the president nominated her husband to the Federal Election Committee. That, with the war on terror in full-swing, the FBI has a squad exclusively devoted to cracking down on sexually explicit material involving consenting adults. That instead of meeting with Cindy Sheehan, President Bush went fishing, took two-hour bike rides, cleared brush, attended a Little League ball game and raked in millions at a GOP fundraiser. That only one high ranking officer involved in the Abu Ghraib/Guantanamo outrages has even been demoted. That a study by the Army's Surgeon General found that 30 percent of soldiers coming home from Iraq are suffering mental health problems. George Bush's recess appointment of John Bolton as U.N. ambassador. Karl Rove's claim that "liberals saw the savagery of 9/11" and wanted to "offer therapy and understanding for our attackers." That, for the fifth year in a row, President Bush couldn't find the time to address the annual convention of the NAACP. The illogical but endlessly repeated lie that we have to fight the terrorists over there, so we don't have to fight them over here. That Osama bin Laden is still on the loose That 36 million Americans live below the poverty line -- 12.9 million of them children. The Movie Multiplex from Hell: "The Dukes of Hazzard," "Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo," "The Pacifier," "Aeon Flux," "Son of the Mask." The iPod Party Mix from Hell: Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps," The Pussycat Dolls' "Don' Cha," Papa Roach's "Scars," D4L's "Laffy Taffy," and Lindsey Lohan's "I Want You to Want Me." All the precious media oxygen consumed by coverage of the Michael Jackson trial and the Natalee Holloway story. The endless magazine covers devoted to the breakups of Nick and Jessica and Brad and Jen That the Kyoto Protocol took effect -- and that the United States was not a part of it. That Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called for Israel to be "wiped off the map." And that the leaders of the new Iraq are friendly with him. That we passed the 1,000 mark of people executed in the U.S. since the reinstatement of the death penalty in 1976. Pat Robertson, assassination advocate Lawrence Summers, feminist scholar Michael Crichton, climatologist Bill Bennett, criminologist That a company that makes snoring remedies paid $37,375 to have its logo temporarily tattooed on a 20-year old Nebraska man's forehead. That Nicolas Cage named his son Kal-el. The death of Pat Tillman. And the way the Army tried to cover up the truth behind his death. The over-hyping of the role "A Purpose Driven Life" played in the surrender of courthouse escapee Brian Nichols -- and the under-hyping of the role crystal meth did. That, according to Brit Hume, his "first thought" following the London bombings was to notice the falling futures market and think: "Hmmm, time to buy." Check out Arianna's site: www.huffingtonpost.com This may have inspired me to write my own list. We'll see. In the meantime, thanks Arianna. Your work is one very good thing about 2005. Keep it up!

Still Tired, But Now I Need a Drink!

Work Today: UGHHHH!!!! Mommy make it stop!!!! Tonight is our Business Unit’s Christmas party. It’s at the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip. I really don’t want to spend anymore time with these people today but I do want the free alcohol! And they better be giving away some good stuff dammit! I mean I work for the Walt Disney Internet Group, so there should be some good gadgets. Hell, at least a game.

Is It Bedtime Yet?

I’m tired. I mean completely, utterly exhausted. I’m not quite sure why. I haven’t been over-exerting myself much. About all I can chalk it up to is that my body and mind are finally, for probably the first time this year, allowing myself to slow down. At first I had a fear it was depression related. I don’t think it is. It’s different. Although I am less than thrilled about mostly anything, I truly believe this ennui is simply due to my desperate need for extended rest. I’d love to take like a week off from work, not tell anyone (well most everyone) and just lock myself in my house and sleep. It’s certainly not a question of having vacation hours. Racked up enough of those over years and years on the last project with little time off. Unfortunately I can’t. Work is too busy and only getting busier. It may sound strange that I would want to use my hard earned vacation time to sit around at home. Considering the year I had though it’s not surprising to me. To have my own space that I can either choose to share or not, is paradise to me. If you want me to scream, just show me a suitcase! Seriously. Anyway, I want this year to be over. I want a new calendar, a new number on the check. Give me a fresh new twelve months to carve out with my own space. That’s the best Christmas present I can get this year. In 2005 I celebrated my 10th year of living in LA. I had hoped to really recognize that day, Cinco de Mayo. I should have taken it as a sign when I was deathly ill on that day. 2006 will be my final year in my 30s too. Hard to believe but true. Jesus, maybe that’s why I need sleep! I guess pretty soon I’ll be taking afternoon naps! 39. Thirty-nine. Hmmm. That’s an entirely different entry for another time…

Breathing

Seasonal offerings On a non-existent plane Territory untapped In a meadow unfound So much more to have In a world ever-growing Desire continues to breathe In and out In and out In and out Traveling towards the unknown Death is not a choice When life has only begun Craving to be nourished Stunted growth Is all it knows Instinct takes over Knowledge is scorned Breathing gets deeper Hopeful for any spare change

Dear Santa

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last Saturday I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). Last Tuesday I turned in for eating carbs (3 points). Last Thursday I bought porn for (10 points). In March I punched in the arm (-10 points). In July I set 's puppy on fire (-66 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-71 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, momoneyca

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Saturday Night's All Right

This weekend was the first one that I really felt I had a “home”. Saturday I made a special dinner in my own kitchen and actually set and ate, for the first time, at my new dining room table. Sitting across from me was one of the most important people in my life, K, to share this milestone. That room, along with my bathroom and bedroom were freshly painted from the week before and the place is starting to actually look like my own. After dinner we watched a movie on my newly installed home theater system and didn’t have to worry about being interrupted by roommates or feeling guilty about not cleaning up the kitchen quickly because it’s not my own. Nope, it was a great night and one I appreciate tremendously after going through my many ordeals and obstacles throughout this year. Here’s to hoping I have many more experiences like this in 2006.