Go Out and Get You Some!

Free Starbucks Ice Cream Today!

Doggone it!

My two dogs joined Dogster yesterday and now I’ve unexpectedly managed to raise my own eyebrow. In less than 24 hours they have both made 15 “Pup Pals”! Can you believe that? I think I was on Friendster for at least a month before I had that many friends! If you have low self-esteem, DO NOT put your cute dog on Dogster. Oh and that goes for Catster too! Jezebel Halen Now if some dog comes to the door looking for either one of them, that’s it!

Mi Familia

I bought new furniture this weekend. Laura dragged me to this store where she just bought a chair for her living room and got a great deal. I need to buy a coffee table and a computer armoire. So, naturally I left the store with a receipt for a dining table and a bed frame. Isn’t that how it always goes? I can’t really complain because I really did get a great deal on both of them. I wanted to eventually replace my old table but it certainly wasn’t necessary for me to do right now. This damn table though, it was just one of those things that you see and all of the sudden you can't live without. I must have walked around the showroom three times and kept on finding myself back at this table. As for the bed frame, I had wanted to buy a wrought iron frame from the time I got my bedroom furniture; about three years ago. I just never got around to it. While I was there, I just decided to take a look at the catalogs and see what was available. I fell hard for this really great and different looking one. Got a great deal on it too AND the store was having one of those, pay no sales tax deals. I placed the order and am having them hold off on shipping to coincide with the closing of my escrow. So this morning I’m having my usual Sunday morning phone call with my Dad. He asks what’s new and I tell him about my new furniture. His response? “For what?” Meaning, what did I buy furniture for when I have no home to put it in. Nice, huh? He had a nice chuckle over that. A little later I’m talking to my Mom and I tell her about my purchases. She says, “That’s great Mija, but it would be even better if you had a place to put all the stuff!” Then she proceeds to laugh into my ear. What is it with both of them? They’ve been having a nice laugh at my homeless-ass expense for months now. Somehow I’m beginning to think that they have some sort of deep-seeded sense of fulfillment in seeing my foundation being shaken up. My entire family has always looked at me as the one who never loses control of any situation, has my “head on right” and always seems to achieve all my life’s goals, unlike most of them. Of course, they couldn’t be further from the truth which just goes to prove how little they all really do know me. Whatever it is that is giving them this pleasure, I guess I should just let it play itself out. Maybe I’m just reading into this more than there really is but something tells me I’m right on my suspicions. I really believe our parents always believe they want better for us than they had. However, when it really comes to fruition, there is a twinge of jealousy that rears its unsuspecting head. It’s probably natural but it still feels very strange to me. Definitely something I will remember and will watch for when they come to visit me in my new place. Families… It’s really no wonder I enjoy living 400 miles away from them.

The Co-op, The Interview, and the Old Man

I passed the last obstacle in my trail of seemingly endless tasks in order to gain access into the world of real estate. Last night I met with the official Board of the Co-op I’m about to move into. A panel of five. I’ll now try my best to explain this scenario knowing full well I could never come close to describing just how Twilight Zone this moment was. Let’s see, first there was the President of the Board; a woman whom I’m guessing is in her mid to late 40’s. She’s lived in the building for just over a year. The other members asked her to take the seat in order to gain a little structure (and maybe a little credibility) to this process. She is an attorney. Next is the Treasurer who is another woman probably in her early 60’s, very properly dressed including dangling earrings and a large-brimmed green hat. Of course her entire ensemble matched to a tee. Two more women held chairs, one being in her mid 70’s and the other pushing 90. The older one was literally wearing a house dress. I’m glad I never saw her stand up because I absolutely would have lost it if I saw she was wearing slippers. And last, a late arriver, was the obligatory old grumpy man. I’m not exaggerating when I say that he was the type of old man they make movies about – mean face, non-censored comments, loud, and non-apologetic in his bigoted, male-chauvinistic skin. When push came to shove, though, you find there’s a soft side buried deep in there. Okay, so stage set. I arrive at 6:25 right after work for a 6:30 meeting that is supposed to take 15 minutes. These people have already collected my life’s history on paper from me: tax returns, credit report, bank statements, pay stubs, driver’s license and social security card. This is not including my application where I divulged more than I would to hold a public office position. About the only thing they don’t know about me yet is that I’m gay. All in due time… I am told rather curtly that they are not ready for me and that I must wait outside. The room where we are meeting is smaller than the average bathroom. There is a folding table with a hodge-podge of chairs surrounding it. The walls have that wood paneling that I haven’t seen since I had braces and spent time every 3 weeks in my orthodontist’s waiting room. I go back outside which means I am standing in the driveway where the residents drive their cars past the gate and into the carport. I’m convinced they all must be sizing me up while they one-by-one return home from a day at work. Finally I’m asked into the room. Since I came directly from work I have my laptop bag over my shoulder and can barely get myself and it into the room together. I sit down and all eyes are upon me. It becomes evident that they are wondering who I am especially now that they have all studied in detail what I have done with my life up until this very second. Some of them actually have some of my documents highlighted, lest they lose track of what they want to ask while they have me under the spotlight. Now that I think about it, good thing the room was that small or I’m sure they would have installed the bulb. The questions begin to fly: What do I do at my present job? Why do I want to live in North Hollywood? Do I have pets? Will I be living alone? Do I think I can really afford the monthly living expenses? Have I always lived in Los Angeles? And so on and so on. A few minutes into this the old man joins us. Up until then I was answering the questions and moving on to the next. The women seemed satisfied with my answers; especially the one in her 70’s who every time I looked her way would smile shyly like a little giddy girl. I have my suspicions about her but for now I’ll just pocket that little piece of curiosity away. Let’s just say I may have a big fan on the Board. So this grumpy geezer takes his seat and immediately crosses his arms. He’s introduced. We shake hands. He goes back to crossing his arms. The women continue with their questions. We begin to discuss what brought me to Southern California from the Bay Area. All of the sudden this deep loud voice to my left blurts out, “So does your dog bark?” I turn my head deliberately trying to indicate that he has interrupted everyone else and tell him, “Very seldom and only in extreme situations.” His facial expression told me nothing. I turned back to the group and completed my answer to the women on life in the Bay Area. A couple of minutes later, in the middle of some other unrelated topic, the old man blurts out, “Will you be living alone?” Once again I turn to him and say, “I’m actually looking forward to living alone, so yes.” His response? “Well, you know, SOME people like to move all their relatives in with them. Before you know it, their entire family is in the place.” I guess I should stop here and explain that I am Mexican, and rather dark at that. I was born and raised in the U.S. as were both of my parents. Most people assume by my obvious features that I speak Spanish but I don’t. I’m about as American, and Californian, as they come. That being said, I sometimes don’t catch when something in the manner of discriminatory is taking place in my presence or even directed at me. This time however it was plainly and boldly there, just sprawled out on that cheap, brown, Gemco vinyl, “kid’s-table-at-Thanksgiving” table for everyone to chew on. It was all I could do to bite my tongue and respond with, “No, I’m just really looking forward to having my own space.” Lucky for both of us, he was satisfied with that. He did make it a point to throw out that if I happen to get married that “he’ll” have to be interviewed too. The President quickly corrected him saying that if I had a spouse, he would not have to go through the interview process. Strange how people, especially that age, never ever have an inclination that someone may not be straight. (Deep sigh.) I guess it’s just another group that I’ll now have to educate… And so it went. When the questions were done, they asked me to step out of the room while they discussed whether or not to accept me. Their decision was unanimous, I’m in with them. Everyone congratulated and welcomed me. As I walked out of the room, the old man extended his hand to me and as we shook he finally smiled and said, “I look forward to having you here.” Hey Old Man, Don’t think for one minute that once I’m living there I will put up with your behavior! He is in for the shock of his life when he realizes he has just approved having a full-blown dyke own one share of his precious Co-op. God, I’m gonna love living there!

In a Word

In a word All will be well Just one word Powerful responsibility Like a full moon Brings to light A dark alley The scared stray cat Assured of safety All is well Go about life Let out the deep breathe Relief

10 Weeks and Counting

Today is the first day that I actually am “feeling” this sense of relief that should have technically kicked in almost a week ago. Got the job I really wanted, along with a nice bump in salary which I had not really anticipated. The condo sale is moving right along nicely with little to no snags so far. My mortgage broker said to me this is the payoff I’m entitled to after having to deal with all the shit I’ve had thrown my way over the past several months. Really, it could have been worse but it still is not a period in my life I would like to relive. So what now? Well, first of all I’m now in furniture buying mode. This is a little premature considering I still have 10 more weeks of escrow but hey, I say let me have some fun for a change! There are a couple of pieces that I have to buy and a lot more that I just want to. You know, for fun… because I can dammit. I’ve waited long enough to have nice things after having to limit myself while living with the slob of the world. Hell no was I going to spend cash on stuff that would be abused by a roommate who didn’t care about even his own things; that is unless it had to do with wine or women. Neither of which are bad things to care about but nonetheless. Next, I need a damn vacation! I need to do some diving. The green felt and dice have been calling my name for months now. Monica…. We miss you… don’t you want in on the hard 8? I’m way overdue. I love me some LA but once in a while you just gotta get out of town and explore. Or, in my case, in the water with the fishys and in the smoke-filled room where one day blends into the next. Kind of interesting how I just now realized the similarities here. Both unpredictable ventures. You never, ever know what you’ll come upon or what you’ll walk (or swim) away with. Both are a gamble and can easily allow you to lose track of time. Well, the latter could be a lot more dangerous when your tank gauge suddenly is in the red. Hmm, speaking of ending up in the red… No, let’s not go there. It’s time for some more good luck at the tables too. Well, for now it’s a waiting game. It seems as though over and over again life is nothing but a waiting game. I guess in the end what matters is what you do with your time while you wait. Hey wait a minute! I didn’t mean this to be a philosophical entry.

Week One

It's the start of a new week. This is a somewhat different week though, in the sense that stuff is finally beginning to fall into place. This will be my first full week in escrow. Yep, I got the place I wanted. I was shocked beyond belief. Not going to deny that I can be cynical but in this case I've been looking since February and have been homeless since March. I couldn't even begin to count how many properties I've seen. I had just about reached my limit and I found this one... Ahhhhh! The sky opens up, cue music, by George this is the one! The downside is I have a 12 week escrow but after much thought I figured I'd waited long enough. What's another three months when I've been waiting to buy a place for at least 5 years now? I already have ideas in my head for decorating. Next, I interviewed for a job I'm really truly interested in taking. Coincidently it's only 6 minutes away from my new place. If this all falls into place, all of this sacrifice will have been worth the wait. Last, but definitely not least, the home life is all falling into place too. It's getting there, slowly but surely, and this time no chances, no questioning everything to death, no doubts. This goes for all parties involved. At least it better... Well, I'm off to start my week. Let's see how this all unfolds...

Drifting Back

Drifting back Through space and time Memories A laugh waiting to happen Someone thought they where funny Try again Weights on my ankles Oh please just let me sink Looked up into the surface Blonde dancing just beyond Now the struggle somehow seems worth it You’re inside me Like the salty taste of sea Now I am here And the bad taste is gone We sail away together On a boat with a small leak Happy 5 June 2005

Visible

It’s all clear now The fog has lifted Your ship can dock The waters are calm Open wide Your visibility I am not in the distance Any longer Surroundings are doubtful And we can now sit back and smile Our scenery is bright And our covered canvas Is understood Only by you and I 4 June 2005

Life is good at this very moment...

This is the first time in months that I've had time, let alone space, to myself. Not that I'm not grateful for the generosity of everyone around me. I am just so used to, and in sheer need of, time alone. Time to think, write, sleep, play video games, daydream, scratch my ass, or whatever else I want to do - including nothing at all. Am I ready to live with someone? At the moment, definitely not. I hope someday that will change though. Until then, let me be! Which brings me to another topic - homebuying. I've been looking since February to find what I saw yesterday. Beautiful, perfect and everything I've wanted. I don't want to get my hopes up too high but something tells me this is what I've been waiting for. Please let that something be right. Please? The downside is it's in the valley, North Hollywood to be exact. Never wanted to be a valley girl but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right? Anyway, it's only for a short time - couple years max, then I'll move on up back over the hill into something nice and where I really want to be. It looks like I may be taking a job in NoHo anyway and my commute would be like 5 minutes. Can't complain about that! Today is Saturday. It's 8:43 AM and I'm sitting up in bed playing on my laptop. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Well, except to remember to move my car by 10:00 or else I'm going to get another ticket today. Life is good, for the moment. Yes it is.