The Day After

Yesterday was my birthday, my 39th. It was a good birthday that actually started over the weekend. Had a small gathering at my place to play some games. It was nice to have people over, like old times. I need to start doing that more. Sunday was a sleep-in and lounge around day after a late Saturday. K took me to dinner that night for my birthday. Yesterday was a typical work day but last night Laura made me dinner at her house. Just the way I wanted the day to end, calmly. You never realize how much you appreciate the calm until you experience the storm. The storms will be dissipating this year. That has turned into my goal for (as Michael put it) my final 12 months in my thirties. One thing that stuck out was the number of out-of-town friends who called, emailed, or mailed a card. A lot of surprises. It was nice. It was also the first year my Ito didn’t call and sing to me. As I drove to Laura’s last night, I turned on the radio; something I rarely do. I was flipping stations and found an old song that I liked followed by a couple more. A while later the station played their canned “The Quiet Storm” announcement. “Oh Lord!” I thought. When I was a kid my parents used to listen to a radio station that my brothers and I absolutely hated. We used to make fun of the tag it played every hour – “The Quiet Storm”. It became crystal clear that this moment happened for a reason. I don’t and won’t ever have kids. Having them around, among other things, is a constant reminder of just how old you continue to grow. I don’t have to experience this often. Last night in the car however, I could have done without the splash of cold water from the radio station insisting on pointing out that I have become my Mother. Oh well, at least I’m not driving a mini-van with four brats in tow! That’s me! Always looking at the bright side!

Just when exactly do the drugs start taking effect? ...I'm a busy woman dammit!

Questions

Can a dream come true? Asked the little girl in pink If you want it to said the teacher Does the pain inside stop? Asked the young kid in blue Hang in there, it will said the teacher Is it all worth it? Asked the teenager in black Yes, said the teacher But why I don’t know Does happiness last forever? Asked the young lady in white Good question said the teacher But I can’t answer that for you Why are there no simple answers? Asked the woman in grey I ask that myself said the teacher Why did you leave me teacher? Asked the middle aged lady in brown Your answers are now all within said the teacher

You are here You are not You are gone You are not I am tired I am weak I am sorry I am empty

And your name is a constant whisper But the sun is gone Stolen in the night By a secret smile I try to breathe A foreign air The scent that once led me Is no longer mine Ever-changing patterns in the clouds We now call them different names I am aimless in my path again Though once it was solidly paved Maybe I didn’t want to see the cracks Maybe you didn’t want to follow The aisles are stocked With delicious unnatural goods Let’s keep this tasteful Don’t let it expire When the breeze shifts And on that we can rely My touch will be a memory Replaced by a friendly embrace

You'll never find, as long as you live Someone who loves you tender like I do You'll never find, no matter where you search Someone who cares about you the way I do I'm not braggin' on myself, baby But I'm the one who loves you And there's no one else, no one else You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time Someone to understand you like I do You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme All the magic we shared, just us two I'm not tryin' to make you stay, baby But I know some how, some day, some way You are (you're gonna miss my lovin') You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin') You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin') You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my love (you're gonna miss my lovin') Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin') When it's cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin') You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my love You'll never find another love like mine Someone who needs you like I do You'll never see what you've found in me You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through I don't wish you no bad luck, baby But there's no ifs and buts or maybes You're gonna, You're gonna miss (miss my lovin') You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin') I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin') You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my love (you're gonna miss my lovin') Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin') When it gets real cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin') I know, I know that you are gonna miss my love Let me tell you that you're gonna miss my lovin' Yes you will, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin') When I'm long gone I know, I know, I know that you are gonna miss my love Lou Rawls 1933 - 2006

Free Money!!!

I've been getting so many damn pre-approved credit card offers in the mail (even more than before I bought the condo) that I almost threw away a legitimate one. Last year during our open enrollment time for benefits at work I finally took the time to calculate out my annual medical expenses. (A co-worker once said you can more or less tell a person’s age by the number of prescription drug bottles in their medicine cabinet. He must have been one of those who “explores” at people’s parties, but it is a pretty accurate statement.) Anyway, after years of encouragement from my Mom, I decided to take advantage of the Flexible Spending Account (or PayFlex) option. I’ve always heard it’s better to under-estimate your expenses, at least in the beginning because whatever amount you opt for can’t be changed. If you don’t actually spend that much during the year you lose out on the balance. I actually think I may have been too conservative but I really can’t complain since I’ve been losing out on this benefit for too many years already. PayFlex is a government sanctioned program that employers can offer. I’m not sure how it benefits an employer but I’m sure it does. You select an amount to be put into an account that is opened for you. Each pay period a set amount is deducted from your payroll pre-taxed and placed into the PayFlex account until your chosen amount is met. Did you catch that? I said “PRE-TAXED”. That means, you don’t pay taxes on any of your eligible medical expenses! In my case, my employer issues a PayFlex MasterCard (the one I almost threw away). Whenever I have an eligible medical expense I can use the MasterCard to pay for it or fill out a claim form after-the-fact for reimbursement from my account. Even if it’s still early in the year and you have only accumulated a portion of your opted balance, you can still expense all the way up to the total you chose for the year. I went to the website today and re-read the list of eligible and ineligible expenses. There’s really no way not to spend all of the money put into it. You can even expense stuff like over-the-counter medication, antacid, chiropractor visits and flu shots. Between my regular drug prescriptions, annual check-ups with doctors, the dentist and my therapy visits there is no way I will have a problem spending everything I set aside (and then some I’m sure). So today I checked my first paystub of the year to see how much it impacted my take home pay. Here’s the best part – although roughly $20 is being deducted per check (we get paid weekly), because it’s pre-taxed, my take home amount only went down by $1!!! Can you believe that shit! Ok, so let me break this down. I get paid every week so I will be out a total of $52 dollars this year because of this. And what did I opt to have deposited into this account? $1000!!!! My point? If your employer offers this, do it!! www.mypayflex.com

All Grown Up and Shit

It’s my birthday month. My ex-fiancé used to claim the entire month of June as his “birthday month” even though his birthday wasn’t until the 25th. I liked the idea and adopted it for myself. I like the fact that my birthday is in January. For me the beginning of a new year is also the beginning of a new age in years. Next year I will turn the big 4-0. Yikes! How did the years pass so fast? I’m not sad or mad about the idea; it’s fine with me, I’ve actually got a lot of friends who are well into their 40s. The issue of turning a new decade is that my Mom is exactly (to the day) 20 years older than me. This means she’ll be turning 60 on my 40th birthday. On our 30th and 50th birthdays my Step-Father, Aunt and my Mom’s best friend had a huge bash up near my hometown. It was a huge sit-down dinner, dancing, even Mariachi’s (ugh). I had come out to my Mom two years earlier. She and I had a very strained relationship because of this. She figured all the money she had put aside for the big Mexican wedding she dreamed of having for her only daughter was out. So, she decided to give the green light to spending it on a big birthday bash for herself. She called me and said she would like it if I also celebrated my birthday with her. I thought about it and concluded that I really had no choice. If I wanted to be there to celebrate my Mom’s 50th birthday all of my family and most of her friends would know it was my 30th too. If I didn’t want to, I would look like a complete ass to all of those people for not being there. Fine, I said yes. It didn’t help that none of my friends from LA were there with me. These were the people who knew me at that time, especially since I had come out once I moved here. I remember back then seeing what a difference it was between my life here and up there. I would tell people that I felt like there was a Northern California Monica, the one I left behind, and a Southern California Monica, the person I truly was. I tried, I really did, but I have very few positive memories about that evening. The following year, to sort of make up for this, my then girlfriend threw me a surprise birthday party. This was a lot of fun and I was really surprised and happy, but I still didn’t get to plan this out. My relationship with my Mom has really come a long way in the past nine years and we are much closer now. Last year she expressed that she wanted us to once again celebrate our 40th and 60th birthdays together; this time in New York. She’s never been. I told her I would love to go but only if we also go to Atlantic City, a place I have yet to visit. This trip will be one that she wanted. I would love nothing more than to spend my birthday here, with my friends. I will however, plan out this trip with my Mom because as I’ve always been aware, there will more than likely come a time that she won’t be here to share this day with me. I’m not sure what my birthdays will be like emotionally for me then but I know for now I want to celebrate with her when I can. Tangent: I remember when I was a rebellious teenager and was arguing with her I once said that sharing my birthday with her was worse than having a twin. I said that as a twin you didn’t get your own birthday but you are probably going to live to be about the same age. In our case, she got to have 19 years of when her birthday was only her special day. For me, not only have I never had that, but when she dies my birthday still won’t be just mine AND people will be sad remembering her. Won’t that be joyous for me! God, kids say the darndest things, don’t they? Anyway, I figure because of all of this that I want to have a special birthday celebration of my own doing with my friends down here. Since next year I’ll be busy planning for my trip, I want to plan something this year to recognize the last of my 30s; just not sure exactly what yet. If anyone has any ideas, please throw them out there. On another note I did some more home improvement work over the weekend. Nothing big, but I changed out just about all the light switches in the house (I miscounted and ran out so I’ll be running back to Home Depot to complete this task this week). Replaced the ancient toggle switches with updated flat ones and installed a few dimmer switches throughout the place. I also replaced all the wall plates with nicer ones. I got quite a few gift cards for Christmas from those who know I want to do some things to my place. Later in the year I hope to remodel the bathroom and update the kitchen. For now though, I will concentrate on the small, inexpensive stuff. Next comes the kitchen faucet and some new living room and dining room light fixtures. I got my crash course on electrical wiring courtesy of the internet this weekend. I found some great do-it-yourself sites and am ready to absorb some home improvement education and get my hands dirty this year making my home more and more mine.