Day One

Today was my Ito’s rosary. Lots and lots of relatives, we’re Mexican, and many, many unfamiliar faces too. I guess that can be attributed to the fact that he was 90 years old and lived in the same community for around 70 of them. My Mom and Uncle asked me to speak. At first I was a little hesitant, then I felt obligated being the oldest grandchild. After I started thinking about what I would want to say though, I found it to be rather cathartic. It ended up really helping me process some of this. I wrote it all out last night and read it a couple of times once I got into town. But then, I walked into the viewing room. I saw my Ito in the casket and everything changed. It became real, he was really gone. The very room where this took place is the same room where my three other grandparents were previously. It hit me like a brick; this was the last time I would be here mourning a grandparent. Suddenly my written words seemed really contrived. When it was time, I brought the paper up with me but found everything I wanted to say in my heart. Looking out at all the relatives sitting in the room and periodically turning to look at my immediate family sitting up front, it instantly turned my mood to very surprising calm. I can’t quite put my finger on why and maybe I don’t need to. I just know I’m ok for the moment. Tomorrow bright and early, we sit through a mass at my Ito’s church, the one he’s biked to for many decades now on a weekly basis. Then, it’s to the cemetery. I hope I can get a good night’s rest in this blazing hot Brentwood weather. I have a feeling tomorrow will be the true test of my emotions.