My Working Mind

So it’s Monday and I’m reluctantly back at work. Notice that I am AT work. I find lately that I’m getting in later and later and once I’m here taking longer and longer to actually get started. Not good for clearing crap lingering on my desk but for some reason I haven’t been able to change that. I haven’t really been trying that hard either. A few years ago I upped and quite my job when my company offered a voluntary separation package. This was not something I ever thought I would do. Up until then I was always a hard-working dedicated employee. Always doing my best and climbing that ladder that was drummed into my head at an early age. I was going through a difficult time in my personal life and really felt more than anything that I wasn’t exactly the model employee. So I raised my hand and signed on the dotted line. Walked out with my big fat check and ran off to Mexico to soak in the sun and leave my worries behind. Little did I know then this was to be a huge turning point in my career life. Since then, my dedication to my employer has vanished and my work ethic is more of a “how much do I really have to do to get this task done” attitude. A close friend and former co-worker of mine managed to help me overcome my guilt about this by telling me that my definition of half-assed working is for most people, giving it their all. Ok, I bought it. The question I now have is will this ever change for me. I have no idea but for now it’s not hurting. I’ve got a job that allows me to stay in this mode. This assignment will last another six months and at that time I’ll have to see where I land. Most of the people in my life see me as an anal-retentive, stringent, uncompromising, structured person. Someone who excels in the workplace and has all my shit together. Interesting but far from the truth. I won’t deny that I project that image and in some respects I can be all of those things at times. But that’s also my exterior. Inside, different story. But that’s an entirely different journal entry. For now, it’s Monday and I really should start to look like I’m doing something on the company dime.