Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday. I think it’s really true when people say that the older you get the quicker they seem to come. Yesterday I was sitting at my desk and someone walked by and wished me a happy birthday. I swear I could remember the exact same setting from last year. It seemed like it had just happened. Very strange. This year my birthday is on a weekend. The last time this happened was the first year I was living in LA. I had just come out of the closet and I told my friends that all I wanted for my birthday was for all of them to go to Girl Bar with me. At the time, it was my weekend hangout. So there they all were. My brother, my cousin, my best friends from high school and new friends I had made since my move, just 9 months prior. I had a great time and was very touched that they agreed to come. I felt like it was a turning point in my life. Since my birthday is in January, and it happens to be the beginning of each new year, it always seems to take on a sort of “what will my life be like this year” feeling. With everything going on in my life right now I really feel like this is going to be a good year for me. There will be some changes I expect, mainly in my career and more than likely in my income. What’s most important though is for the first time in a very long time I really feel like I’m ready to handle anything that may come my way. Good, bad or even mundane I feel like I’m in a position to deal with any situation in a healthy manner. It feels good just to feel confident in this realization. I guess what I should take from today is that I’m genuinely eager to experience what life has in store for me in my 37th year of living.

The Age of Aquarius

Is it me or does everyone at some point look at somebody they really thought they knew and realize they just might not know him/her as well as they thought? Let’s take that a step further now. Does everyone at some point in his/her own life experience looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself? I’m about to turn 37 in two days. Surprisingly I can honestly say I’m not bothered by my age. But there have been times over the past few years that I look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at me. Everyone can recall when you were a kid, even a teenager, and looked at someone in their 30’s as being old. One of my favorite personal stories is how my friends and I used to ask advice from a woman who was sure to know the answers at her age. We were seniors in high school getting ready for all the senior activities of the year. Senior prom was coming up and we were working part time at the only clothing store in town, Miller’s Outpost. The manager was a grown married woman and every night when we closed the store we would corner her and ask questions about how to handle the details of this very important event. We were all convinced she had wise answers for us. Looking back now? She was the wise age of 23! What the hell did any of us know at that age? She was still a kid AND too young to be married. Back then she probably would have thought 37 was old. So the obvious next question is do I think I look like I’m 37? Again, I really don’t mind that. Really. In fact, I was watching Monday’s episode of Ellen when it was her birthday. She turned 46. Her opening monologue discussed how our society is taught to always tell a person they look younger than their age. She pointed out that it’s sort of a backhanded compliment. You tell someone they look good for being as ancient as they really are. She went on to pose the question, what exactly is wrong with looking your age? We should be proud of how old we are. Hopefully it means we’ve experienced life and are becoming wiser. What’s so wrong with that? Someone someday may read this and think this is all just me trying to make myself feel better about getting older. It really isn’t. I think by this age if I was ashamed I wouldn’t be admitting my age out loud, much less putting it in writing. It’s also rare that you’ll ever find me bashing my beloved LA but it is unfortunate that here in the land of the beautiful, being and looking young is given much too much emphasis. Anyway, just my thoughts for today.

My Outlined Life

Wow lot’s of time has passed since my last entry and lot’s has happened too. Stuff going on: 1. Went to a hockey game (Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. Detroit Redwings). The game went into overtime and ended with a tying score. 2. I’m putting a Murder Mystery Game together this weekend to celebrate my 37th birthday. It’s not a special year but for some reason 37 just seems like an odd number. Whatever, just another year closer to 40, I guess. Anyway, I’ve always wanted to do one of these games so I thought it was a good idea. We’ll see. 3. It looks like I might become a consultant after this job ends. I won’t write too much about this yet as there really isn’t a whole lot more to say at this point. 4. I started drinking again after 10 months of sobriety. Actually I began back in October but that was only one or two times. I needed the time away from it but I am enjoying my precious wine again. Missed that. 5. Kari’s CD is done and ready to mass market. I really think her time is here and I can’t wait to see what will come of this. I still have a mental picture of me standing in the rain trying to convince some big burly security guy that I really do know her and never getting to see her after some big sold out show. 6. My brother seems to be happy with his new job. I hope he is able to settle in here as it sounds like a great opportunity for him. He could really use a good year for a change. 7. My ex’s best friend died. She called me to talk. It’s really been a long time since she’s shown me any emotion. I opened up to her a while back too. I never really thought she and I could be friends but always knew we would hold a place in each other’s lives; especially since we still share our dogs. It’s been 3 ½ years since our breakup and maybe it’s time to be more real with each other. 8. I found out I really should have given Kate more credit than I did. Enough said about that in this format. 9. My cable modem died and I was disconnected for 3 whole days! Talk about torture. I had to use dial-up. Me! Can you believe that shit! As of today, I have a brand new modem and I’m hi-speeding it once again. 10. I don’t really have a “10” but it seemed weird to end with “9”. Ok the next time I don’t think I have anything to write, I’ll refer to this list and expand upon these details. Overall, life is pretty good for the moment. I’d like to not be my usual self and for a change just sit back, coast and enjoy.

Una Dia Malo

Okay so so far this year has been off to a good start. But there always has to be a curve thrown in every now and then. I got food poisoning Wednesday. I felt like I was going to die! I honestly can't remember the last time I threw up that much, that many times for that length of time. It's behind me now. With a little good fortune that will be the curve for a while. Kate got her car broken into around the same time. I'm hoping that's her curve as well. I've had that experience before and there is no feeling to describe it better than the word "violated". It was nice to see the response she got from her posting. Once again, I really wish my friends would get their accounts up and running. Just as I am about to rid myself of most of my CD collection, I think I may have a few, probably a very small few, that she may like to have to help her re-gain some of what she lost. The third curve that I hope will prove to be a solo one is Kari's computer. I'm at a loss for what to do about that. I had my expert buddy go to her house and do an entire upgrade to her operating system and version of Windows. I mean we wiped the sucker clean to no avail. The three of us are scratching our heads over this one. She has dial up and all of the sudden cannot send attachments over around 500 kb. She can receive ones up to 4 mb with no problem. Very strange. Can't figure this one out. Any "anonymous" readers with a suggestion would be more than appreciated. What's with this "curve" reference anyway? I'm not even a baseball fan...

New Horizons

We had our Christmas/Holiday party today at work. Felt a little odd since it's already the middle of January. This is the first week since the beginning of December that everyone was back in the office. It's nice to have everyone around again. This project will be over soon - end of March. Even though I like working with everyone here, I can't wait to begin something new. I also can't wait to have a significant amount of time off. I really love my LA but I need to see something else for a while. I want to take a real vacation, complete with adventure, fun and no work worries. Someplace new to me, somewhere interesting and preferably far away. First I have to secure a job, then I can start planning for a trip.

Slackin'

I keep meaning to keep my postings current but life seems to be flying by for me at the moment, both at work and at home. Lot's going on for me like new employment opportunities, finally settling some legal matters, planning for my weekend birthday. I'm also in a good space with my family right now so I'm finding myself communicating with them more. That's good. Well now that I just read what I wrote I guess the Subject of this entry is inappropriate. I have been slacking on my journal entries though. Why does it seem, at least for me, that I am compelled to write more when things are not going so well than when they are? The unfortunate thing is whenever I look back at journal entries I've made over the years it seems like life is a big ass pain. I really need to force myself to write more when good stuff is coming my way; even if the entries are short. I guess for now I'll just assume that all the blank dates were good.

January 2004

I can't believe another new year is here. The past several months have flown by probably beginning about mid-September. Only four more months of guaranteed employment. A new page in the book of my career life is going to unfold for me soon. It's exciting and a little scary at the same time. For as much as I've complained about being bored where I am there's something to be said for being comfortable. I haven't had to prove myself for a while. I have made many friends at work and I am completely out. I can pretty much make my own schedule, dress as horridly as I like and can even work from home from time to time. It is time for something new to stimulate my brain though. The rest will come and go and I need not put so much stock in all that I suppose. Anyway, for now I will try and enjoy the time I have remaining and remind myself to appreciate all that I have gained from this chapter of the story of me.