Happy Mother's Day

Sometimes I wonder whether or not life ever changes. Are we destined to follow the paths of our parents who followed the paths of theirs? Or do we really have a say in the lives we end up leading for ourselves in the end? This year for Mother’s Day, my brother and I decided to do something out of the ordinary and we flew our Mom to us for the weekend. He and I live in LA, she lives in the Bay Area. My step-father played a part in the surprise. The thought briefly occurred to me that she would feel bad about leaving her retired husband behind when as it is she still works full time while he is alone a good part of each day already. Nevertheless, it was Mother’s Day and her son and daughter wanted to spend it with her. This morning, after a really nice, relaxing, loving couple of days together, my Mother decided that it was time to voice her opinions about choices that I made with my life. Unfortunately, none of these choices had anything to do with me – they were decisions that ultimately impacted her own happiness. Not the first time I’ve been subjected to this but I’m really at a point in my life where I think I’ve taken enough of this and I’m wondering why I just don’t make this incident the last. My Mother and Father divorced when I was six and my brother was two. She remarried right before I turned 10 and instantly I had two more younger brothers who belonged to my step-father. The four of us grew up together and I always felt like we had a special bond that no one else understood. Our “father” was not a great guy. No, he never sexually or physically abused us but that’s about all I can say about him. To this very day the sound of his voice is enough to make me uncomfortable. His tongue did more damage to all of us then any hand ever could. I’ve dealt with the aftermath of his abusive mouth and believe I have put it all in its place for me to move on with my own life as an adult. My Mother, on the other hand, cannot seem to acknowledge that we suffered and to this day goes so far as to blame me for not being close with her husband. Today I once again was forced to defend myself to her over why I am so cold to him. Kind of funny when you consider the fact that his own flesh and blood two sons won’t communicate with either one of them anymore. I’m sitting here tonight questioning why I continue to try with her. Time and time again I go back to “she’s my one and only Mother”. Is that enough of a reason anymore? At the moment I can still answer yes but I really don’t know how much longer I can do this. Then I wonder what goes through her mind when she does this to me. Is it so important that I have a false, meaningless relationship with her husband that she put her relationship with her one and only daughter on the line? I hope not but I really don’t know the answer to that. For some unknown reason, my phone didn’t ring when she called tonight. She left a message on my voicemail letting me know that she arrived at the airport safely and that she and my “father” were on their way back home. By the time I got the message, it was too late to return the call. And so I question, would I have been the same parent as she? Would I have expected unfair and unrealistic things out of my children? These are questions I will never know the answers to. More importantly though is the thought that I may have actually known this sub-consciously all along thus making parenthood so undesirable of a thought that I never had a bone in my body that cared to prove the theory. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.