Time

Can't sleep again. I've been awake since 4:00. A millions things running through my mind yet I've been staring at this blank page for what seems to be an eternity. I know I'll be ok. Somehow deep down I feel that; just don't want to get too comfortable with that idea. I have nothing to base that upon except a feeling. My track record there has been pretty bad lately and when I think about that, the worry comes back. It's early and that is my factual comfort. It's small too. That said, I can't help but envision the worst. How could I not? How could anyone not? Taking stock. Am I satisfied? Am I happy? Am I ready? I've never been afraid of dying. What I have been afraid of is not having the chance to do what I wanted with my life before that happens. When it's time to go there's really nothing you can do about it. I don't want to live to be ridiculously old, no matter how healthy I am. I don't want to die yet, either. Another thirty years maybe 35 tops is plenty for me. At the rate the economy's going, that's about all I'll have to sustain myself financially anyway. I don't have kids so it'll all be on me, baby! That still doesn't make me reconsider my thoughts on that. Jesus it's early and I see no hope in me going back to sleep. I guess the bottom line is that I still have things that I need to do for myself before I can be satisfied that I've accomplished my dreams. Hopefully, for all of us, we'll have enough time.