For Once In My Life

Today I live my life wondering how. More importantly, wondering why. Are we all just put here as some sort of test to see how much a body and mind can withstand? Sometimes I feel as though I am but a vehicle, a connector or a gateway for those around me. How many times in my life will my happiness take a backseat before it’s my turn? How many times will I have to be the observer of all that I want? Just on the other side of the glass case. I remember writing once that I felt I was trying to reach you through bullet-proof glass. The dangling carrot. When all is said and done, will we look back and laugh at our stupid decisions or will we shake ours heads in wonderment as to why in the hell we wasted so much time? Precious time. Precious love. Not to be taken for granted. Volumes of written instances proving it’s much too precious to toss aside for momentary sidesteps. God I don’t want to be the one standing off the road in ten years still waiting for that day and questioning why it still hasn’t fallen into place. I know where I’m supposed to be. So why am I having to endure the time in between? Why have we both? There are times I think I had it all figured out when I was finally a walking, talking, breathing robot. But for those ten seconds that I rested my eyes upon you I would still just be numbly getting through my days. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on all of the once-in-a-lifetimes that I have experienced since then. They don’t have to end but I can’t do it alone.